Kohler Veil

The Kohler Veil is the Tesla of Toilets

This post brought to you by Kohler. The content and opinions expressed below 
are that of FactoryTwoFour.

I rent a room in my home to travelers. It’s free money for a vacant room and I get to meet interesting and sometimes disastrous people from around the world. I have a nice little routine set up where I welcome them in, pretend to laugh at their terrible travel jokes, show them the room and spare toiletries, and then offer them tips for around LA. That said, there are several parts of the tour that I intentionally skip. My room is obviously off limits, they don’t need to know about which kitchen drawer I hide my artisanal potato peeler in, but above all my favorite item to neglect explaining is my new toilet.

I believe down to the depths of my soul that I will never get tired of hearing exclamations of wonder and curiosity from two rooms over every time one of my new guests first wanders into my “water closet”. It happens within the first five minutes of their visit and smacks an impish smile on my face. Every. Single. Time. The questions, like their travel jokes, follow the same themes and patterns – “what is this, where did you get it, and what does it do?” Well, it’s the Kohler Veil and it’s from the utopian bathroom of the future.

The Kohler Veil is many things – sleek, luxurious, high tech. All these things and more. An invisible or boring piece of your home it is not.  Forget back tanks, forget chrome handles to jiggle, and forget exterior curves and angles that just collect dust and hair. This commode is a sleek pod that is as evolutionarily different from your toilet as a Tesla Model S is from your ’89 hatchback. It’s also packed with about as much tech as Elon’s car. Seat warmer, two flushes, two bidet positions, water massaging, water temperature selection, a blow dryer with temperature selection, a nightlife, self-cleaning and more. I actually suspect it of sneaking out of the house at night and fighting crime – “You’ve been flushed, criminal!” The Veil also makes any other restroom an exercise in visiting the the distant past. My last guest  told me she thought the toilet at a restaurant was broken because it didn’t flush automatically when she stood up. This thing redefines what you expect from a bathroom convenience.

If I’m honest, it no longer matters how good of BnB host I am. I can be awful to my guests if I want, all the reviews are just glowing paragraphs about my “tech-toilet.” It’s strange to look at a toilet and think that I’m keeping this for the rest of my life and it will be moving with me every time I relocate, but that’s what this kind of ultra-high end appliance does to you. If you don’t believe me, my spare room has still got a few vacant days in March…

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