It seems there are only two types of watch guys – those who buy for quality, style and build, and those who buy for how chunky and large a watch is. Please don’t be the latter guy. But if you chose to ignore all social rules of style, decency, and class, then the Breil Capital might be for you.

I’m confident this is the heaviest watch I’ve ever worn. The Breil is so heavy that in just a few days of wearing it I’ve doubled the size of my bicep. In my left arm. Now people I meet aren’t sure what to stare at first, my mismatched arms or my comically garish watch.

Why is this case so thick? It is 44.5mm across, and at least half that in height. Of course the thinner a luxury watch is, the higher the quality it generally is, but I’ve seen watches made of Lego that are thinner than this monster. The strangest thing is that the problem seems to lie in the hands. On the face of the watch, the hands are so spaced apart from each other on the central spindle that it adds several millimeters of height to the watch. They shouldn’t need that much clearance from each other and removing the extra case height required to accommodate this ridiculous spacing would also help reduce the preposterous weight.

You know what, screw it. Let’s weigh this sucker. Time to bring science into how bad this watch is. Wow. 6.78 ounces. Now for the biggest, chunkiest, fattest watch I actually own – a Sottomarino Pilotare. Bam. 2.18 ounces. I could wear three Sottomarino’s and still not equal the weight of the Breil. Pro tip: watches shouldn’t weigh so much that they require special postage to ship. I just invented that rule, but I think it’s a good one I’m going to start living by.

Quality-wise, the Breil seems to be on point. Over the last few days it has suffered no scratches or time loss, and every complication is functioning as designed. Any thinner watches that Breil has I would certainly consider. I like the design, the combination of polished and brushed stainless steel, and the rose gold accents. It’s just too damn thick and heavy for it’s own or anyone’s good. And at $425, you’re paying dearly for this garishness. If you’ve got an Affliction collection, a wrist the size of a tree trunk, and curl abandoned cars on your warmup, you should certainly check the Breil Capital out. Everyone else, stay clear.