unanswerable questions

All of life’s unanswerable questions – solved.

Life has many unanswerable questions. Well it did until we came along. See, we like to provide you, our readers, with solutions to life. So we say there are NO unanswerable questions, and instead provide you with answers with which to impress friends and influence strangers.

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

No, certainly not. Infants are stupid feces machines that bring nothing but misery and insomnia. I say this as the proud father of 0 children. Adultery is too much fun to be topped. And I say THIS as an single man.

Why isn’t there mouse-flavored cat food?

Because no one (in the 1st world food industry) knows what mice taste like, or is willing to find out.

If god created everything, who created god?

Steve. He’s a good guy.

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

The egg. Think about it (or read here if you are a millennial and don’t want to think), dinosaurs laid eggs, dinosaurs evolved into birds (sorry creationists!) all wile laying eggs, and eventually a chicken was hatched. Eggs came first biotch.

How many roads must a man walk down, before you can call him a man?

Well that depends, doesn’t it? Are they dirt roads? Are they inner-city Detroit roads? And this question is flawed anyway. It’s not a matter of number of roads, it’s distance. I’ll call any 5yr old a man if he’s walked 40 miles.

What happens when I die?

You’re family fights over your belongings. It’s sad really…

Is the self identical with the body?

The self is an emergent property of physical processes within the body. It is not identical to the body, nor is it separate from the body. (Shamelessly poached from reddit)

Who am I?

A beautiful and unique snowflake. Just like everyone else.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

364. Google it.

Where do the missing socks go?

They wind up hidden inside your fitted sheets or suctioned to the side of the washing machine. Sorry for the non-romantic answer, but sometimes life is just a series of dry facts. And then you die. And then your family fights over your belongings.