Most people have between one and four friends, which is a tiny amount when you consider how many people you speak to daily. Furthermore, the days of having multiple people to hang out with after school or on weekends are long gone.
But this is understandable. People grow, they drift apart, and they have other priorities. You can’t spend every weekend at your favorite bar or playing video games long into the night. Still, this doesn’t mean that having so few friends is good. Male loneliness is a significant issue, especially because it is so difficult to make friends in your 30s and beyond. So how can you make friends after reaching thirty?
Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends As An Adult?
It used to be easy to make friends. You’d sit next to someone at school and start a conversation or join in with games on the playground. There was always some common ground for you to share. It’s not so simple when you get older, so what is that?
Time
You already know the best ways to use your spare time and unfortunately, making new friends doesn’t always fall into this category. You have so much to do between work and family and fitness and essential me-time that there’s no chance for you to meet new people. The problem is that everyone is going through the same thing, so instead of connecting, people are hovering around the edges of each other’s lives.
Self-Consciousness
Kids can make friends easily. They walk up to someone, ask if they want to play or comment on their t-shirt, and a friendship flourishes. If you went up to another guy and asked if he wanted to play, he’d probably shuffle off and maybe call the authorities. Furthermore, you wouldn’t want to walk up to a stranger and talk to them. You’re worried about coming off as a weirdo, so it’s much more comfortable to stay where you are.
Opportunities
Even if you feel comfortable making new friends and speaking to strangers, you may not have the chance. It isn’t just that you don’t have time. You are rarely in a situation where you can strike up a conversation. Perhaps you drive to work, so there’s no one else to speak to. Additionally, you already know everyone at the office, and if you’re not friends with them already, you probably never will be.
Proximity
Proximity can make it easier to make friends, and even shy people manage it at school or university. But if you’re not close enough to other people, when are you going to get the opportunity to make new friends? This happens more with people working from home and having no one but themselves (and maybe the dog) to speak to during the day. Even when you’re finished, being sociable sounds completely absurd.
The Fear
But what if someone thinks you’re lame? What if they don’t think you’re cool enough or interesting enough? What if they laugh at your voice? These fears may sound ridiculous, but they have likely gone through everyone’s mind, keeping them from putting themselves out there and making new friends. No one wants to feel embarrassed or make a fool of themselves, so it’s easier just to stick with what you know. Maybe, but you also may need to make friends eventually.
How to Make Friends After Hitting 30
Although it’s tricky to make friends as an adult, especially in a new city or even a new country, you can explore some ideas to help you expand your social circle and give you a better shot at making great friends that you can rely on for the rest of your life.
Try New Hobbies
Hobbies are a great way to work on yourself but they also help you make new friends. Many communities are incredibly inclusive and always happy to welcome new people, especially more niche hobbies that aren’t gatekept so strictly. You’ll have to deal with a learning curve and you may get frustrated if you don’t get it immediately, but the people around you should offer plenty of support to help you improve. Eventually, you’ll have learned something new and made new friends.
Join Clubs
If you don’t want to learn a new hobby, you can always find clubs for something you know you’re good at. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to find clubs that will always welcome new members as long as you know where to look. If you fancy yourself Messi’s understudy who just never got his break, researching soccer meetup locations could help you live out your dream. From here, you can get to know players who are around your level and they might even have a weekly get-together at a bar after the game
Go Online
Society has become much more accepting of online relationships, just look at how Tinder and similar dating apps seem the only way to meet someone. The same goes for friends. You can use friendship apps (which Tinder and Bumble can offer). You can also play games online, whether classics like Minesweeper or the latest co-op titles that throw you into teams with people from all over the world where you need to communicate.
Put Yourself Out There
Putting yourself out there is terrifying, but you’ve got to do it if you want to make friends when you’re older. So how do you put yourself out there? Getting involved with anything and everything is a good place to start because you won’t meet new people sitting on your sofa wishing you could have more friends. The more you put yourself out there, the more confident you’ll become, and making friends will become much easier.
Say Yes More Often
Similarly, you can start saying yes more often. While everyone enjoys their time at home, you still need to get out of the house and experience the world. So the next time your buddies suggest going out, whether you’re at a show or just to hang out, join them. You may meet other people who share your interests.
Explore Your Group
While you may only know a few people, their network is much larger. Your friends have friends outside of you and they have friends further afar. This gives you a fantastic opportunity to meet new people and make friends. You’ll undoubtedly encounter these people through social events, whether gigs, weddings, or parties, so speak to them. You might discover that you have more in common with these people than you thought, which could be the start of a friendship.
Say Hello to Those Random People
No one wants to be that guy who strikes up a conversation with anyone. However, being more comfortable and being able to start a conversation is different, especially if you’re at an event by yourself. Since you also don’t want to be that guy that lurks around the edges, you want to be able to hold a conversation. The first step is saying hello to those random people. Otherwise, you’re just that guy who stands around the edge of a conversation, laughing too late at jokes and seeming entirely unsure of himself.
Help Out In the Community
Every community needs support. It’s no good complaining about the litter or the potholes if you’re not going to do anything about it, so why not get involved? Besides making your home and town look better, you can also get to know more people. Like other activities, charity work and community support bring people together for a common goal. Everyone is there for the same reason, so you already have something to talk about. From there, you can build relationships.
Give the Guy At Work A Chance
Maybe there’s a guy at work who is always asking you to watch the game with them or go for a drink after work. And perhaps you’ve always had an excuse. It’s laundry day. You promised you’d feed your neighbor’s bearded dragon. You’ll never make friends by pushing everyone away, so give the guy a chance. He might be more like you than you thought.
Take A Trip
You may feel like you’ve exhausted all your local options but the world is much bigger than your hometown. Taking a trip could be the perfect way to make friends even after you’ve turned thirty. The benefits of solo travel cannot be understated, and if you’ve never seen the world, now is your chance. Much like other scenarios, travel puts you in the same situation as hundreds of other people, and talking to people along the way is part of the experience. These people could become lifelong friends.
Buddies
Making friends as an adult is tough. People don’t want to put themselves out there or have so many other things to do that making friends isn’t a priority. However, being social and having multiple people to hang out with (when you can) can benefit you in multiple ways. You’ll feel better. You won’t experience loneliness or feel isolated. You could even find a new activity that you love and you have plenty of people to support you as you learn.