Divorce was never in your vocabulary. It certainly wasn’t something you thought would ever happen to. Maybe it’s been a long time in the making or maybe you’ve been taken completely off guard. Whatever the reason may be divorce is never easy and it is definitely what we set out to do when we say those “I dos” and make our vows.
They can be messy and damaging, worse if there are children involved. They can take their toll on both parties and rob everyone of happiness and peace.
Here are four steps you can take to make your divorce procedure less painful:
Step 1: Know What You Want
During your divorce proceedings, you can find yourself fighting for the sake of it. Trying to do and get what’s fair. In terms of making things less painful, removing or rather setting aside the rage, hurt, and heartbreak and taking a good look at what you truly want and need out of your divorce will be much better for you.
Separate your wants, needs, and the things you can give up into three lists. This will help you to get some clarity on what’s important to you. It will also help you decide what’s worth fighting for and what you can let go of and live without.
Step 2: Understand That It Is Now Business
Once you decide to go forward with a divorce you will have to face the fact that things will become decidedly business-like. In terms of separating assets, custody, etc it truly is about checks and balances. You will have to prepare financial records and go through everything that you and your spouse own with a fine-tooth comb to see who gets what.
There is also putting forth the grounds for divorce which can be painful to go through much less with an audience.
You must start to understand and accept this fact. Removing the emotional expectation can you get through this process with a lot less pain. This business part of things is simply a part of the proceedings and the sooner you set your mind and heart to this the easier it will be to manage.
Step 3: Build A Support Team
There is no sugar coating it, divorce sucks! But you don’t have to do it alone. You must build a support team that can be there for you during the process. Whether they are there to help you move out of your shared home, to hold you while you cry about your loss, or just to make sure that you’re eating and taking care of yourself you need to have a team.
We can easily start to distance ourselves from others during this time. A lot of time there is the feeling of guilt and disappointment that can overcome us. We’re ashamed to share with others our “failure” to keep our marriage together.
There is no shame to be carried and the people that care about you will want to be there for you. Let them.
Step 4: Hire A Divorce Lawyer
Probably the most important step is to hire yourself a good divorce lawyer. Divorce attorneys at FreedomLaw.ca stress the fact that having a lawyer that is sympathetic to your cause and truly considers your situation, can ease a lot of the stress from the whole process. A good lawyer will fight for you to your equal share of whatever belonged to both you and your spouse. They will also counsel you on what proceedings you can take.
Letting go and moving may be difficult however it doesn’t have to be the end. Whether or not your divorce ends on amicable terms, you still have control over your future. The way you handle your things in your present can help pave the way for your life after marriage. Doing your best to keep things as calm and peaceful as possible can grant you release from the situation. It can also make things easier in terms of co-parenting. There are a lot of challenges both you and your soon-to-be ex-spouse will face on this journey to separation. It is important for you to take care of yourself during this time and if possible show compassion to them as well.
You entered together but are leaving apart. There is no shame in that. Only two people are doing the best for themselves, each other, and their families.