Home is where the heart is. It is also where all your stuff is though. For that reason and more, it is worth protecting. But who wants to deal with alarm systems or security companies when instead you could have freakin’ catapult keeping burglars at bay. If that idea made you strangely aroused, I’ve got the book for you.

Defending Your Castle by William Gurstelle will teach you how to “build catapults, crossbows, moats, bulletproof shields, and more defensive devices to fend off invading hordes.” Yes, it said crossbows. While the book walks you through various defensive positions and weapons in the context of defeating ancient armies like the Mongols, Huns, Tartars, Macedonians, Crusaders, and Vikings I’m pretty confident a goddamn crossbow will work on a modern thug.

This is what a men’s self-help book should be. “You? You’re just fine. But here’s how to build a battering ram…” Defending Your Castle walks you through the history of ancient armies and then shows you the defensive technologies that either did or could have defeated each one.

It is a fascinating journey for historians and makers alike. Neither of these elements are too focused on, leading to a very balanced and fun read. Whether you’re worried about the zombie apocalypse, all those damn [insert ethnic group here], or just looking for a fun, weaponized Sunday project, Defending Your Castle is right up your alley, or maybe castle wall.