“How can I watch a game after seeing all the studies about the physical harm these entertainer/athletes suffer from, both on the field during their glory days, and then later on, when no one gives a shit about them, after they spent all their money on hookers and blow, and ended up brain dead, living by a river somewhere?”

But since games were on Sunday, often conflicted with Sunday School, and were immensely more fun than learning about God, the Broncos quickly became more important to me. As such, I have almost no control over my passion, and it’s grown far too cumbersome; it gets in the way of work, my social calendar, and, most importantly, my peace-loving, no-gladiating ethics. So how can I rationalize such passion, and make peace with this dark side?

First of all, it’s important to acknowledge the inherent problems that football represents, societally speaking. How can I watch a game after seeing all the studies about the physical harm these entertainer/athletes suffer from, both on the field during their glory days, and then later on, when no one gives a shit about them, after they spent all their money on hookers and blow, and ended up brain dead, living by a river somewhere?

The root of the problem is that it’s a violent game, anyway you look at it. And I am not a violent man, or so I like to think. But how can a non-violent pacifist love — to the point of howling about it so loudly so as to defy noise ordinances — watching grown men try and tear each other apart, and root vociferously, nearly nationalistically, for the guy in orange to pummel the guy wearing any other color, for the sole purpose of dominating that Other. There’s a fundamental disconnect here (likely a different disconnect than the one that caused this method writer to craft this post whilst rocking along to Jock Jams).

Let’s talk about all the yelling for a second. I pride myself on being a dog and kid whisperer. I believe my ability to communicate on a higher, Zen-like level with both is a testament to my character. Yet when the Denver Broncos take the field, neither want to be within earshot of me. And I can’t help it, not if someone misses an obvious assignment, not if a ref blows a call, and not, Football Gods forbid, if the Raiders beat us. Then, like no other time in my life, I unleash from my innards the most detestably foul vitriol, with not a care as to who might hear. It’s not like me. It doesn’t even feel like me who’s doing the yelling, as somewhere outside of this magnificent asshole, the more real part of me floats above, watching this prick in judgement.

But here’s the rationalization part… okay, I’m still struggling with that apparently. The truth is, I love the Denver Broncos in spite of myself, in spite of what I know a more morally sound, ethically bound person would do. Does that make me amoral? Well, probably not that alone, although the consumption of terrible foodstuffs and whiskey during the games must also factor in. And it doesn’t matter anyway, because it’s not going to change. No matter how much my mind wants me to ditch the game; the heart wants what the heart wants. So I’m not going to put too much more thought into it, because my team needs me to be focused now that the season is starting… okay, I’ll probably think a lot more about this. But still, go Broncos!

The post How to Rationalize Watching Football As a Progressive, Free-Thinking Adult appeared first on FactoryTwoFour.

“A Buddhist friend taught me a trick about savoring the moment; pop a single M&M in your mouth and savor it for as long as you can. Suddenly a tiny piece of candy has tremendously more volume than a handful of the stuff.”

As I hopped in my car and put on my seat belt, she leaned down and said, “You know, your 21st is the last birthday you’re going to look forward to. After this, they come faster and faster every year.” She had a wistful shimmer in her eyes, and my enthusiasm for the evening was dialed back a notch.

I don’t remember that evening, but I remember the advice she gave me. It’s been a phrase I’ve had in the back of my head, here and there, since I first heard it ten years ago.

A few days ago I watched a clip from an interview with Bill Murray. He answers the question, “What do you want that you don’t have yet?”in a candid, honest way. To summarize his response in a few words he replies, “To be more aware of where I am right now.” Or take Garth Algar’s succinct advice from Wayne’s World.

Murray’s answer had no mystical hogwash. It was not a reply tinged in regret or soaked in overly sentimental wishing. His aspiration is a full awareness of the moment, as many moments as possible. But how do achieve this kind of awareness?

There’s an old trick a Buddhist friend taught me on learning how to savor the moment; pop a single M&M in your mouth and savor it for as long as you can. Reflect on the tastes, the composition, and the interaction it has on your tongue and your teeth.

Suddenly a single piece of candy thoughtfully eaten has tremendously more volume than a scarfed-down handful of the stuff. A clear comparison to observing a single moment in your life is implied here, but I’ll let you draw those lines yourself.

My own method for practicing awareness is spending time in my garden. Attentive readers on F24 will probably recognize me as “that plant guy” (a distinction I hold with pride, thank you), so there’s no surprise that my own bit of wisdom here involves growing a garden of any scale.

It’s impossible to spend time among the plants I’ve grown and fostered and not be aware of the moment. The cool feeling of an emerald-green leaf on my finger tips draws me wholly to that moment. Appreciating the delicate flowers on my impatiens contrasting with the burgundy hues of a heuchera shuts out pestering thoughts and anxious anticipation of the future.

Gardening a small window box offers the same level of focus and awareness, a sort of surrender to the moment. A few minutes of gardening offers us a chance to step away from the craziness of our lives and catch our god damn breath.

After the Bill Murray interview finished I thought back to that time my boss offered her bit of wisdom on aging. I’d always taken her input as a hard truth, sort of a tough love measure of sagacity. It wasn’t a cruel thing, but it wasn’t kind.

For the record, she was correct; the years do go by faster the older you get. Our goal is to be aware of every moment we have, because we only have so many.

Spend some time thinking on the ruminations of Mister Bill Murray and the lesson from an old Italian tree farmer. And if you’re feeling adventurous, start a little garden while you’re at it; there’s no better way for practicing awareness.

Except eating a single M&M.

The post How a Single M&M Can Help You Live in Each Moment appeared first on FactoryTwoFour.

1. You’re not making the first move. If you’re wondering why you’re staying in the friend category, the first step is to review your interactions with this person. In many cases, you may end up getting the friend label simply because you never took the initiative to actually ask her or him out. In fact, if you never truly made your intentions known, then it’s likely that this person sees you as a friend because you didn’t give her or him the clear impression that you’re interested. So rather than staying silent, take the not-so-subtle approach and make a move.
2. You’re afraid of rejection. With this in mind, another reason why you keep ending up in the friend zone is that you’re not taking any risks. However, if you’re too afraid of getting turned down, you won’t be able to turn your relationship with someone into more than just a friendship. It’s time to face the fact that rejection is part of dating, so get used to it, get over it, and get on with it.
3. You’re too available. Another reason why you keep ending up in the friend zone is that you’re trying too hard to win this person over. And while it may seem counterintuitive, bending over backwards for someone and changing your plans for her or him at the drop of a hat will likely put you in the running for BFF rather than BF. Remember, a little intrigue can go a long way.
4. You’re lacking confidence. An additional reason why you keep falling in the friend zone has to do with your self-esteem. In fact, if you’re feeling badly about yourself and refuse to see all that you have to offer, a potential love interest won’t be able to see it, either. The bottom line is that if you want someone to see you as boyfriend material rather than just a friend, you have to be your own best friend and believe that you’re worth it.

The post Reasons You Keep Ending Up in the Friend Zone appeared first on FactoryTwoFour.

But it’s a pain in the ass, and to make this tedious process all the more difficult the sun is boiling hot and the humidity suffocating. As my awareness shifts from “I’m hot” to “I need water” to “I think I can see through time”, my body changes gear into cruise control and my mind is free to wander.

It sounds pretty crazy, but these are the moments that make gardening great. It’s the same sensation long-distance runners experience when they break through that famous wall, a moment that transfigures “self” and “time” and “awareness” into an existential goulash independent of sensibility and grounded thought. My mind bounces around my body like it’s inside of a pinball machine, and I start to wonder…

“Why the hell am I weeding this meadow?”

Well, I’m weeding the meadow because it has weeds in it. A meadow is supposed to be a motley collection of good plants cultivated to grow together; there is no room for undesirable plants. It’s an easy comparison to say that you and I are like a meadow. We’re a bunch of elements thrown together to make one whole entity. In place of echinacia we have fortitude, and we can exchange that baptisia in the meadow for a fiery drive in our belly. We want what’s good, and we want to eliminate what’s undesirable.

But then one of the metaphorical flippers does its thing and I reflexively question back, “What’s undesirable, and what’s good?”

I stop and reevaluate my actions. Good plants are the ones that work together, undesirable plants are the ones that pull everything (or anything) else down. It’s a frustrating reality that I could accidentally destroy the exceptional Carolina lupine with an accidental action, but it can take years of effort to eradicate the pinellia weed. Similarly it’s easy to tarnish a reputation for honesty, but damned difficult to improve self discipline. At early stages of development it can be difficult to deduce what’s a weed and what’s a desired plant, just like how it’s easy to mistake a bad decision for a good one. So what the hell does a person do when they can’t distinguish good from bad?

Awareness filters back…

… and I tilt my head up away from the tangle of weeds in front of me. It’s easy to get lost in the details, forgetting to take a broader look at the end goal.

And there it is. The weeds are there, that’s for sure, but it’s not the choking mess that I thought it was. There’s a bit of cohesion, and those undesirable weeds aren’t so noticeable anymore.

And a further step step, and I see the meadow for all that it is. It is a reminder of the ultimate goal of weeding, and also the ultimate goal of self improvement. That big picture is easy to lose track of, but it sure as hell feels good to see it. It’s important to trade the focused vision for a glimpe at the whole picture, appreciating it in its entirety.

The experience I had was entirely influenced by a scalding hot sun and no small degree of dehydration. But still it was a legitimate experience. It provided me the lesson that sometimes I need to look up and take in the whole scene instead of focusing on just one aspect. I can weed a meadow for hours but still forget that my goal is to create a unity of the whole.

But I’m not a meadow, I’m a person!

You’re damn right you’re a person! There’s may not be much room for clumsy comparisons, but we might be able to squeeze in a bit of a metaphor.

Weeding a meadow can be an exhausting and frustrating experience. It’s easy to get lost in the details and to lose focus of the ultimate goal; a unified environment where nothing is out of balance. And we will get lost, make no mistake, if we can’t lift up our heads and take in the bigger picture.

So the next time you’re weeding the garden, or maybe focusing on personal development, take a break. Breath. Reappraise all that you’ve done and remind yourself that your goal is the whole.

The post Man as a Meadow: Weeding the Bad from the Good appeared first on FactoryTwoFour.

Be considerate. If you truly want to impress a woman, you should opt to be a kinder and more generous person. To that end, being viewed as a “nice guy” is actually something that’s highly appealing and attractive, especially to a woman who’s looking for a deep and long-lasting relationship. On the other hand, if you treat a woman poorly, disrespect her, and make her feel expendable, your lasting impression will be a negative one.

Be honest. When you’re trying to impress a woman, honesty is truly the best policy. In fact, if you’re totally forthright with her as well as dependable, a woman will be drawn to your openness and trustworthiness. So rather than playing games, holding back your true feelings, and/or keeping her in the dark, choosing to be straightforward, honest, and reliable will make a far greater impact in every respect.

Be a better listener. If you truly want to impress a woman, another important step is that you have to be able and willing to listen. In other words, if you’re fully present when she’s speaking, you value what she has to say, and you commit to understanding her point of view, she’ll view you as far more impressive. To that end, if you’re able to recall details of particular topics that she mentioned to you, whether it’s her favorite type of chocolate or a funny story about her chocolate-colored lab, your listening skills will make a sound impression.

Be happy. If you want to impress a woman, being an optimist is key. In fact, having a positive outlook, making the most out of sticky situations, and choosing to be happy will likely result in a woman choosing to be with you, especially since spending time with an upbeat person is far more enjoyable on many levels. On the flip side, if you’re a pessimist who tends to see the worst in others and who views the glass as half empty, your attempts at impressing a woman will be empty as well.

Be yourself. When looking to impress a woman, you should put having high self-esteem high on your list. In fact, confidence is always an attractive quality, and you have to believe you’re impressive if you want others to have the same impression, especially when it comes to drawing a woman towards you. And while this certainly doesn’t mean that you should be full of yourself, arrogant, or overbearing, it does mean that you should recognize what you have to offer so that she can recognize it—and be wowed by it—as well.

The post What Actually Impresses a Woman? appeared first on FactoryTwoFour.

Sure, everyone has quirks and idiosyncrasies, but if you’re having more than the occasional issue, it’s imperative to take a closer look at your partner’s actions so you don’t miss the four relationship red flags which should put you on red alert.

Your Partner is Controlling

Has your partner ever told you who you can and can’t hang out with? Has this person ever insisted that you dress in a certain way, behave in a certain way, and basically do what you’re told? If your partner is demanding that you fall into line, you should be making a beeline for the door, as this type of controlling behavior totally crosses the line.

After all, being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you’re supposed to lose your autonomy and sense of self, so if your partner is making a power play and telling you exactly how you should act, there’s absolutely no reason that you should stay and play along.

Your Partner Constantly Badmouths an Ex

While it’s normal and natural to have conversations about your past relationships, your partner’s incessant need to put down an ex should actually raise a red flag.

And while you may think it’s a positive sign that your partner views her or his ex in such a negative light, this type of continuous fixation should really leave you wondering if your partner is still into this person and is merely trying to convince you (as well as herself or himself) that she or he’s moved on. In the end, if your partner is still obsessing over an ex, it’s time to add yourself to her or his list of exes and end your relationship.

Your Partner Acts in a Jealous Way

If you’ve noticed that your partner quickly and easily becomes green with envy, this is a major red flag. And while jealousy is something that can arise in a happy and healthy relationship, it becomes an issue when your partner’s feelings of jealousy are seemingly unrelenting.

For instance, if you constantly have to deflect your partner’s accusations that you’re flirting with someone, if she or he’s troubled by your close relationship with a friend of the opposite sex, or if the very mention of the hotness levels of a certain celebrity sets your partner off, it’s in your best interest to break your relationship off.

Your Partner is Overly Needy

Everyone wants to feel needed and significant in a relationship. After all, if you felt completely disposable and unimportant to your partner, you wouldn’t want to be with this person in the first place. However, if your partner acts in a needy and clingy way, it’s you who needs to realize that this behavior is problematic.

Specifically, if your partner hates it when you go out and have fun without her or him, incessantly needs reassurance about your true feelings towards her or him, and/or texts you non-stop throughout the day just to check in and know where you are, these desperate actions are actually red flags that shouldn’t be overlooked. Your partner’s life shouldn’t revolve around yours, and if this person is relying on you for every single thing, you should opt to be single instead.

The post Relationship Red Flags You Shouldn’t Ignore appeared first on FactoryTwoFour.