From The Depths Of Netflix: Hard Breakers

I figured with Valentine’s Day on the horizon it would be a good time to watch a “romantic comedy” and I stumbled upon Hard Breakers (2010). Hard Breakers is one of those movies that as soon as the credits start to roll you feel a sense of depression wash over you. Not because it depicted love and/or love lost, but because grown adults got paid, and probably paid well, to make garbage.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I was expecting Citizen Kane out of Tom Arnold, Tia Carrere, Chris Kattan, Sophie Monk and Cameron Richardson. The latter of whom I know very well from the July 2000 issue of Maxim, ah, to be young again. That cast carries some decent name recognition and with that a degree of expectations a little greater than Cinemax porn value, but here is the film in brief because the hour and thirty it took to watch it felt like days.

Richardson, an aspiring actress, lives on the beach supported by her father. Her roommate, Monk, lives with her with no goals other than to meet guys. At this point I’m buying still. It’s hard to find love blah blah blah not the most original plot to this point, but I’m along for the ride. Well, the wheels quickly fall off this ride. They go from wanting a decent guy to just sex at the drop of a hat and not by just asking guys because frankly that’s all they’d have to do. No, they knock them out and when they come to nurse them into sleeping with them. Hunting guys becomes a sport later aided by the gun shop running Carrere. It culminates with both Richardson and Monk realizing they have daddy issues.

Nothing makes sense, but in an attempt to feel like I didn’t waste my time maybe the filmmakers were making fun of gender roles? In a society where males have more power they decide to empower the female… I can’t continue. I have a degree. I used to pick apart Chaucer like this and I will not do that to him.

A guy named Sticky Fingaz also stars.