#2 Pencils – like bad metaphors they are everywhere. Odds are they are all you’ve ever used. But why? Why this writing instrument hegemony? How did the #2 pencil establish its monarchy, and what the hell happened to the #1 pencil? I set out to find the answers, and it almost drove me to madness.

In the 1846, Johann Burm  was an aspiring woodsmith struggling to mark his work before making his cuts. So on a slow day between making nightstands and battleships, Johann and his assistant Peter Longfellow started to experiment with ways of impregnating alder wood with soft graphite. Before long, they had a rough concept of what we would know today as a pencil. But there was turmoil in woodshop. Peter believed the graphite should be soft enough to easily mark paper and sharpened with a small razor. Johann, being of proud Germanic stock, knew that this new implement would be used by real men doing real work. Thus, the material should be hard like their lives, require strength to make a decent mark, and should only be sharpened by a good stabbing knife. This is what he had come to America for, and he’d be damned if his writing instrument was going to be as weak as a lily-white Prussian.

Betrayal is never a kind business, but Peter’s split with Johann was an especially sordid affair. With the rift over graphite hardness growing every day, Johann expelled his apprentice from the shop while cursing his family to darkness and dispair. Not content to simply un-employ his former student, Mr Burm went to extraordinary lengths to ruin Peter. There are rumors of dead dogs hurled through windows, of slandered wives and unreturned Christmas cards. Longfellow was hardly guiltless in this escapade either. He is said to have covered Johann’s horse in blue paint – a slur which at the time cast doubt on Johann’s sexuality and ability to sire children. There is also the curious matter of fire brigades being sent to the workshop every week for the next 2 months on some pretense or another.

Despite all the backbiting, or perhaps because of it, the two estranged partners each founded rival pencil companies during this time. Johann’s Majestic Implements Concern produced his extremely masculine #1 pencil – the number being a reference to it’s unrivaled excellence. Not without his wicked British sense of humor, Peter Longfellow’s Ace Pencil Company happily named their pencil the #2, but insinuated that it’s higher number was a sign that it was a further development and refinement of the barbaric #1. For years, the two men battled it out in the courts, in the shops, and occasionally physically with each other. In the end, Peter would loose an ear during a knife fight with Johann, but Mr Burm would loose a finger, his business, and even his daughter to Peter’s wandering pencil. They never reconciled.

Today, all we know is the #2 pencil. Let it stand as a very portable and convenient monument to shafting your teachers, stealing their ideas (and daughters) and eventually leading them to die penniless in a gutter. This is truly the dream of every student and apprentice, and indeed the duty of every teacher. Happy writing.

…

This has been, in it’s entirety, a work of fiction. Pencils are graded on their hardness, and #2 is simply the best pencil for school/office use. Turns out pencil grading is utterly boring and the only way to make it interesting is to make stuff up. Go figure.

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Personal Accessories

We’ve all seen those desks piled high with trinkets, photos, books, and the like, leading to a bit of clutter.  I am not a fan of clutter, and having gone through a few layoffs in the past, have rarely settled into a desk beyond what I can put in one box for a quick exit.  I am not saying you should plan to be fired or let go, but it’s a good rule of thumb I preach to new hires.  From moving desks often to needing to clean up quickly, limiting the amount of desk accessories to one box full.  Pictures, pinned to the wall, a business card holder, and a pen cup really are all that adorn my desk aside from the standard equipment.

Keyboard

When I got to my new office, sitting on my desk was this old, crusty keyboard that just, well, I didn’t want to touch.  I could see the filth, and for me, that was too much.  Now, I could have replaced it with another generic, but as someone who types all day, I wanted to get something that was comfortable and fit my needs right away.  Having been a fan of the older, heavier mechanical keyboards, I picked up the Nixeus MODA Mechanical Keyboard and did not look back.  It has a great, firm feel when you type, and I always found that the number of finger-slips and mistakes dropped as I was more confident in the placement of my fingers on the keys.  It is also one of the smaller width keyboards that I like, keeping my desk clean and minimalist still.

The nice thing beyond that?  When I needed to clean it, I can remove the keys with ease and wipe it all down.  Everything can be placed back easily and quickly.  While the price might be a bit steep for some, I found it to be a worth-while investment for a tool I used 75% of my time at work.

Notebook and Pen

Don’t be that guy coming to a meeting with an iPad or other tablet.  And the huge notepads in the supply closet are absolute crap and do nothing for your professional image.  Yes, they are free, but again, I am not discussing how to get by, but how to upgrade your office life.  When I am not at my desk, I am in meetings, and I rarely take my laptop with me so I can stay focused and engaged.  Instead, I have my trusty pen and notebook, and I always go with the same brand.  For notebooks, I trust Moleskin, and in the office, I have the Moleskine Classic Notebook.  It’s inexpensive, unique, and classic looking, all while easily fitting in your day or travel bag.  For my pens, I always buy Parker no matter the need.  They are refillable, heavy, and come in a variety of styles and point sizes for any preference.  The refills are inexpensive as well, and the ink always dries fas, meaning your nice notebook will have no additional smudges or ink transfers.

Coffee Mug

That office mug is disgusting.  Put it down and walk away.  Now, mugs can be fun little pieces of art that can spruce up anything.  Personally, I love to buy hand painted and designed mugs from Etsy.com artists, finding one that fits my style and needs.  You are supporting a local artist and getting something nobody else will have.  The second option is the travel mug if you are not subjecting yourself to the office coffee. I am a huge fan of the Contigo Autoseal mugs with the easy clean lids.  I have never had a leak or issue, and they clean quickly and easily.  Pro tip:  fill your mug with hot water before adding fresh coffee.  This will heat up the inside so that the cold temperature does not shock the coffee, causing a bitter aftertaste.  And if you are subjected to crappy office coffee that is already bitter, a sprinkle of salt in your cup will cut back on that significantly.  It’s all science, and science is awesome.

Music

Open air cubes and desks are great, but sometimes you need to escape from the noise.  You could use those cheap headphones you got with your phone or your latest flight, or you can bring the symphonic sounds of your music to your ears in style, comfort, and clarity.  I love the sound quality technology out there for this, especially when those around me tend to get a bit rowdy talking about, well, whatever it is they are talking about.  In this case, I again went with Nixeus as I was so pleased with the quality of their keyboard.  The newly released Nixeus In-Ear Earphones sit very comfortably in the ear, and with different options for the ear bud sizes, it was easy to find the perfect fit.

The cord does not easily tangle, wrapping nice into it’s little carrying case when not in use, and with the in-line mic, I am able to pop the headphones from my laptop to my phone and take a call easily.  The metal ear piece is a bit heavier than other headphones I used to use, but that’s just an orientation time to the new fit and feel.  While not truly noise cancelling, they work perfect for the office environment where I need to still be engaged to what’s going on around me.

The Bag

Out of everything, I think the bag is the most important aspect of any professional role.  From taking work home to the every day things we need, having an amazing bag is key.  I am a big fan of the messenger style bags which can hold everything I need with ease, are very travel and go friendly, and out of the ones I have bought, have stoop up to everything I have thrown at them.  Easily carried off one shoulder or across body, they also are versatile.  My recommendation are the Timbuk2 bags.  Not only do they have a style and design to fit any of your needs, but the newer ones are coming out with TSA compliant laptop sleeves and some of the best straps on the market.  You can design one however you like, showing off your favorite colors and patterns, and get all the accessories you need.  I own two actually; one for work with my laptop, notebooks, and other necessities, and another just for photography.  Another option would be the Half Mass bags from Patagonia.  I own one of these as well, and while not used as often, is still an amazing bag to use for work.

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Small designs – like the collar roll – captivate fashion enthusiasts. The collar started out as a full roll, giving the look of volume and signaling superior construction. Present day collars have a very small roll, or god forbid, lay flat with no roll at all. While all OCBDs are made from oxford cloth, the cloth can differ in stiffness and weight. Obviously, a lighter-weight and less dense oxford weave is ideal for summer, where a thick weave that is a little stiff points toward cooler weather. I have a preference for a stiff cloth because I like the way the fabric creases on the arms.

The best part about Oxfords? Little to no maintenance! OCBDs are traditionally a casual shirt allowing the wearer to throw them on straight out of the dryer. I prefer mine a little wrinkled; however, if you left them on your floor, 1), get a better method of storing clothing, and 2), iron out the major wrinkles. Just like any other button down or piece of clothing, put the occasional detergent stick on stains. And if the shirt is white, remember to hit near the neck and cuffs because of dirt build-up. I tend to wait three to four wears (my white OCBD is usually two) before washing because with an undershirt, the cloth takes longer to to truly dirty.

I have been searching for two years for the perfect Oxford button down that fits me off the rack and have yet to find one. My favorite one that is well constructed and fits a reasonable budget is from Uniqlo. It has a slim silhouette and a low price point, making it ideal for students or beginners. Meanwhile, Brooks Brothers has been doing OCBDs longer than anyone, giving them the time to perfect the design. If you want the best and money is no object, start there. My only holdout with the Brooks’ Oxford is they took out the extra-slim fit. To hit the middle road, you can’t go wrong with J.Crew. Make sure you look for sales because they aren’t worth the retail price.

It’s hard to find something that doesn’t go with an Oxford cloth button down. Maybe sweatpants? Even then I think it can be done. With a full suit, I would be careful of the OCBD making it look too casual. But as with all things style, it’s all about experimentation and finding out what works for you.

My suggestion is to play around to find what shirt fits your style when seeking out that perfect Oxford. Want a nice collar roll for your new job? Go with Brooks Brothers. Want something to get you through school? Go with Uniqlo. No matter the time frame though, every man should own at least one Oxford cloth button down..

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