Welcome to the Week in Review for May 7th to May 13th:
Saturday, May 7th This week of racist canines, impressively mischievous raccoons, and mysterious Mayan discoveries got off to a stupendous start today, when a Florida woman miraculously regained her sight after 20 years of blindness. Details come from the Independent, which relayed the tale of Mary Ann Franco, whose recent head injury proved key to restoring her vision. After losing her eyesight due to spinal damage in 1998, Franco had adapted to blind life, but after undergoing brain surgery after a nasty fall, she awoke to find she could see. Physicians dubbed the septuagenarian’s case a “miracle.”
Sunday, May 8th Reaching the century mark is a feat few humans accomplish, so when folks reaching that milestone are asked how they’d like to celebrate, family and friends famously oblige. That said, members of the Chesterfield, Virginia’s Ingerling clan were taken aback today, after fielding their elder matriarch’s—lovingly described as the “Queen Bee”—admission that she’d always wanted to pole dance. While the local NBC affiliate reported Beatrice Ingerling was unsure exactly where the desire came from, the show will go on, and stresses the great-great-grandmother will be “very tastefully dressed.”
Monday, May 9th An expanded vocabulary is key to scholastic development, but unfortunately, some words aren’t appropriate for every ear. To illustrate, youngsters across the U.K. got a hefty dose of profanity today, when rapper Meek Mill’s “My Mind is Gone,” was played during a program hosted by a pair of nine-year-old boys. According to the Evening Standard, the track “contains 53 swear words, with 14 instances of f*** or f****** and 28 instances of n*****,” and according to station officials, was the result of a sly listener’s request. Going forward, the show will stick to the script music-wise.
Tuesday, May 10th In more news from the realm of the United Kingdom, today brought word that a Scottish man is facing hate crime charges, for turning his girlfriend’s adorable Pug into a Nazi. As Salon reports, after listening to constant chatter about the canine’s cuteness, Markus Meechan decided to turn the animal into the least cute thing he could conger, a devoted Hitler fan who will throw the Third Reich’s favored salute on command. Though his video “M8 yer dug’s a Nazi” was intended as a joke, Scottish police didn’t see the humor, and arrested the 28-year-old for publishing offensive material.
Wednesday, May 11th Electricity is the lifeblood of the modern world, a fact which was made abundantly clear to some Emerald City residents today, after a roaming raccoon managed to knock out power to approximately 40,000 Seattle City Light customers. As Kiro 7 News describes, the animal—who we’ve predictably dubbed “Rocky”—somehow managed to gain access to a substation in the wee hours of the morning, and its disregard for the dangers of electricity lead to an explosion which crippled the facility. Power was restored by 9 A.M., but animal lovers will be sad to learn the transgression cost Rocky his life.
Thursday, May 12th It’s not wise to question the government in Vladimir Putin’s Russia, and today, the world discovered its complete impunity might be making it lazy. In a move designed to demonstrate the presence of chemical weapons in Syria, today the Russian Embassy in London released an image of three sinister tanker trucks purported to contain “chemical ammo.” But as Popular Science soon revealed, the picture was in fact a screen shot from the video game Command and Conquer, which the Russians attempted to legitimize by stating it was for “illustrative purposed only.” Insert Soviet Russia joke here.
Friday, May 13th Earlier this week, Canadian teenager William Gadoury garnered praise from around the world, when he discovered what was believed to be a lost Mayan city simply by scouring Google Maps. But as Green Rush Daily divulged today, archaeologists familiar with the remote Mexican jungle area Gadoury highlighted now say its geometric shapes are likely either “abandoned cornfields or active marijuana fields.” In any case, the eagle eyes of the historically inclined 15-year-old should be hailed. So we sincerely hope a bloodthirsty Mexican drug cartel doesn’t respond by forcing him to eat them.