There are some movies from your childhood that hold such a special place in your heart that when you re-watch them as an adult you are filled with a special type of nostalgia which transports you directly back to the wonders of adolescence. Mortal Kombat is not one of these movies.  Mortal Kombat is the diametric opposite; it hunts down your fond memories of late night video game sessions then brutally kills them in front you as you weep helplessly in the corner.  Some movies are so bad that they are good; Mortal Kombat is so bad that even the CIA would classify it as torture.

Immediately upon clicking play on Netflix you are introduced to the house-techno wonder that is the Mortal Kombat title song, a track would later become the official anthem of every aerobic studio in the Midwest from ’95 to ’98. You better pray to all that is holy that you love this song because it is reused ad infinitum throughout the entire movie in numerous different scenes.  It gets overplayed to such a distractingly large degree that you will enthusiastically welcome the occasional heavy metal interludes. You have to wonder what the hell our music industry was offering during this time because the official soundtrack became a platinum selling record within two weeks of its release, an amazing feat in any genre.

The lead character Liu Kang looks like a non-speaking extra from Enter the Dragon; this makes sense because Brandon Lee was originally cast for the role before he was tragically killed during the filming of The Crow. The Australian cyborg Kano looks like a cheap street vender version the Terminator due to the costume department simply taking a Phantom of the Opera mask and spray-painting it silver. The 90’s cheese is turned up to 11 with the Kung Fu master turned movie star Johnny Cage, but every attempt at hilarious one-liners falls flat; a fitting allegory for the entire movie.

The movie itself is nothing special in any way and is far more forgettable than not.  Fight sequences are 40% yelling, 20% close up shots of the characters sweating, 10% poorly choreographed fighting, and 30% quick edits. The special effects are so laughably bad that they look like they were rendered on a TI-83 graphing calculator; this entire movie is a great example of why filmmakers should never use emerging technology unless it is perfectly executed. Oh and by the way, the plot centers on having to save the Earth from becoming a hellish wasteland. Since it was only mentioned it in a half-assed way at the very of the film in an extremely rushed manner, I am doing the same.

If you feel like experiencing an hour and a half of Geneva Convention banned psychological torture; boot up Netflix, cue up Mortal Kombat, and try not to destroy your television through your own rage filled finishing move.  I give this movie 1.5 fatalities out of 5.

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While this movie is a convoluted wreck and failure on many levels, it does have a few instances of genuine humor and engaging cinematic moments.  There is a truly enjoyable moment when the Nazis bomb Earth by towing massive asteroids in to its atmosphere that is actually done quite well.  There are also some funny moments in the film such as a scene during a UN meeting where the North Korean delegation tries to claim that the space ships raining fire on the US were actually designed by their dear leader for world domination, only to be laughed out of the room.  The special effects are gritty, cold, mechanical, and surprisingly well executed; my hat is off to the special effects team who were obviously working on a shoestring budget.

The bottom line is; this movie is disappointing in nearly every way except for a somewhat fun, fast paced, and campy final 30 minutes.  This final act becomes an engaging indie sci-fi extravaganza with spry space combat sequences and cheeky one-liners that actually make the end something worth the time to watch.  While the big reveals are easy to predict and not too exciting, it is still fun to see the Earth unite to fight this space-based Nazi threat. Sadly, the last 3 minutes of this otherwise fun finale are an unadulterated mess with a half assed final message that was clearly added to make the movie more ‘edgy’.

When you are perusing Netflix and you want to experience the best movie that the ‘Nazis from Space’ genre has to offer do your self a favor and skip to the final 30 minutes of Iron Sky.

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